For the Graduates...

Get Busy Being Who You Were Meant to Be

It is that time of year - graduation season - when I like to reflect on my commencement speech at Kansas State University’s College of Health and Human Sciences. This exercise of “finding your meaning” holds true at many crossroads of adulthood, but is especially powerful as a graduate heading off into the world. Please share with a graduate you know or try this exercise yourself!

Picture this – fast forward 15 years or so – you have a rewarding career, an amazing family, a white picket fence and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the outside everything looks great – you are crushing your goals, have the cutest Instagram posts, and are living the American dream. #Blessed.

But on the inside, you are completely frazzled, overwhelmed, and feel like a shell of the person you once were. You feel like you’re always running, but not really getting anywhere. You’re always busy, but don’t feel like you’re accomplishing anything. Most people I know – myself included, feel like this a lot of the time.

We put on a happy face in public and on social media, but inside we are wondering what we’re doing wrong. We have countless blessings, we literally have it all, but we’re still unhappy. I thought maybe it was just this stage of life - #Thisis40, but no matter what stage of life you’re in, there is always something keeping you busy. Maybe busy is just the way it has to be.

Today I’d like to challenge you to get busy being who you were meant to be and find out what truly makes you happy.

We are always chasing things that we think will make us happy – a bigger paycheck, a newer car, those cute shoes.

We think, if I get this job, I’ll be happy. If I lose 10 lbs, I’ll be happy. If he would just put a ring on it already, I’ll be happy. But the truth is, most of our happiness comes from within and it comes from us using our strengths. By strengths, I don’t mean skills. I mean those things you are just meant to do, the things that fulfill you and give you positive energy. These strengths are always inside of us, but it is not always obvious what they are. They tend to get buried deep inside, so we need to uncover or rediscover them. Today, I want to help you find yours.

I did this activity on finding your meaning as a part of a study group using materials from the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. There are 3 parts.

First, think about when you were a young child – maybe 6 or 7. What games did you love to play? Who did you get to be when you were playing those games? Where did your imagination take you? For me, I loved to pretend that I was a teacher. I would prop up all of my dolls and bears and draw my lesson plans all over the walls with sharpies and stencils and teach them everything I knew. (Sorry about the sharpies mom!)

Now think about when you were a teenager, what activities did you feel drawn to? When were you so absorbed in something that you lost track of time? For me, I loved to write. I would go to my grandma’s house and work on writing my “stories”. They were cheesy sitcom-type episodes of my future life. In the stories, my friends and I were all married to professional football players who lived in the same neighborhood with lots of kids and dogs who were always getting into trouble. They were terrible stories, but I absolutely loved it. I would be so engrossed in my writing that my grandma could watch The Bold and the Beautiful, Days of our Lives, AND Guiding Light without any interruptions.

The other thing I loved to do was bring people together to have fun. I would organize the whole neighborhood to join in a game of hide and go seek tag after school. This was before cell phones, so there was no sending out a group text or Facebook invite. I had to go knock on their doors to bring them out to play or stand in the kitchen and manually dial their phone numbers from a landline phone attached to the wall. #oldschool.

Lastly, think of more recent times, like in the last year or 18 months. What activities leave you feeling strong, energized, and alive? What were you doing when you completely lost track of time? Time tends to fly when we’re doing what we love. What would you do even if no one was paying you to do it? Now look for patterns across those 3 moments in time. What has always been true about you that you value? Why are these activities important to you? How will you incorporate them in your lives now and going forward?

I have found that I love to teach, write, and connect and I am much happier when these elements are incorporated into my life. Technically, my job title is not teacher, writer, or event planner/connector, but they are a part of who I am. These things are my strengths that add joy, meaning and purpose when weaved into my life.

Sometimes I get too busy to focus on these strengths – too busy to write and create, too busy to spend time teaching, and too busy to organize events with friends. Those are dark times for me. When I don’t make time for the things that bring me energy, I am drained, exhausted, and not myself because I’m not doing the things I was designed to do.

It is so easy ignore that kid inside you and to forget to do these things for yourself. You get busy with work, bills, babies, and deadlines, and it seems silly and even selfish to focus on yourself. Truth is if you’re not taking care of yourself and nurturing who you are, you can’t truly be there for anyone else.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself and trust that the kid inside of you knows you better than anyone else.

Stay busy my friends, but get busy being who you were meant to be.

Thank you and Congratulations.

Jamie Bosse, CFP®, RFC